Benjamin Franklin went out into the storm and bravely let his kite go up in the air
He risked his life on an idea that night and thanks to him we now have light everywhere
Louis Pasteur never gave up on his cures, and thanks to him now we all have a vaccine
And Orville and Wilbur toured until they delivered what until then had just been in a dream
Goddamn, white people are geniuses
Goddamn, it really blows me away
I know it’s not cool to talk about it, but it’s just something that I’ve got to say (Trevor- Trevor-)
Can you imagine a (Trevor!) world where white people just did not exist?
That would be such a terrible thing and someth-
[Spoken: Trevor Moore, Jonah Ray]
Yes? What, what?
Is that the song?
What? No, it’s not
Yes it is, it’s a racist song
What do you mean? I’m just copying things down exactly from this history book
Okay, you’re just saying that only white people are geniuses
No, I’m not! There’s geniuses from other races
The way you’re singing it, it’s implying that there are more people who are geniuses that are white than any other kind of race
Uh, well, that’s not what the song’s about
Well, that’s what it sounds like
Yes! Really! You can’t just single out an entire race and say they’re the ones who are geniuses! You have to incorporate all the races. You have to talk about black geniuses, Mexican geniuses, Asian geniuses!
Huh, okay. I kinda see what you’re saying
Sorry about that. Just- Just give me a minute, I can fix it… Okay, I got it
Remember- Okay, just, all kinds of geniuses. Not just white
Okay, thank you
Lots of other races have geniuses too
Don’t let anybody tell you other
George Washington Carver was a black guy who figured out how to make peanut butter
La da dum da daa be da da da da de da dum doo
Dee dee da da da da da da da le dee ba ba da ba mmm ba da da mmm
La da da da da da da da bu dm ba ma boo bup ba bee
[Spoken: Trevor Moore, Jonah Ray , Doug (Colton Dunn)]
That’s all you got?!
That’s all that’s in the history book! It’s one page, George Washington Carver!
Where did you get that book?!
It’s mine from school!
Where did you go to school?!
Virginia, in the 1980s, why?
You know what I’m gonna call Doug in here
What? No no no no no don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t call Doug, don’t call Doug
No no no no no, I’m gonna bring him in and maybe he can tell you about some of the famous geniuses of black history
No se-se-se-se-se (Hey, Doug! You busy? Can you get in here?) stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop
Ayy, wassup, man?
Hey! This is Trevor. (Hey) He’s currently recording a song called “White People are Geniuses”
Uh, uh! “-Amongst uh Many Other Races of Geniuses” that’s what the full title is gonna be
He thinks the only thing black people have invented is peanut butter
N-no I don’t! No I don’t! No, I-I know that black people have invented tons of things
Like…rap… Rap? Like, a hugely popular music that’s integral to our culture?
Uh…basketball? (Oh, Jesus) Sike, I didn’t say that, I didn’t mean that, I didn’t say that
So, according to you, the only things that black people have invented have been rap, basketball, and peanut butter
I know that black people have a huge part in shaping this entire country! Uh, there were black people that signed the Declaration of Independence!
That did not happen, there were no black people. They were a little busy, they were a little tied up at the moment
I’m sorry. I’m not very well versed in other cultures’ history. So, can you help me?
Alright. Well, black people invented air conditioning, cell phones, the stethoscope, typewriters, the first mechanical heart, doorknobs, elevators, fire extinguishers, the guitar, stop lights, potato chips, gas masks, the Super Soaker, and the cabbage patch
Black people invented the Cabbage Patches?
Nah, this. The cabbage patch
Oh, that’s dope
But y’all wouldn’t know that. Y’all wouldn’t even think about it. ‘Cause you’re so wrapped up in your racist world view
Wow, I didn’t know all that. So, thanks
Don’t mention it. I’m charging overtime for this
Anything you need, anything you need. Anything
Thank you so much, Doug. Thank you, Doug! Thank you! Take the rest of the day! Are we good
Yeah. But, I’m gonna Google some of that stuff because, I dunno
Jesus- f**k you